This probably won't be nearly the amount of information some people might like, but my husband would not approve of me getting too specific about our money here on this type of forum. So this will be general type stuff.
I've had people ask me how we afford all the children we have. Well, once again I have to say "God provides!" If He gives us children, then He will provide for them. Now, that does not mean we get to sit on our behinds and not do any work. It just means that if we are trusting Him, he is going to take care of us. Will it be in the style that we'd like? Maybe not. Does it mean that our "pride" might never suffer? Maybe not. But He WILL take care of us. I know some people decide not to have more children because they want to raise the ones they have with certain "things". That's their decision. We have just chosen to look at it a different way. Yes, it is nice to have things...like fancy clothes that haven't been owned by anyone else, all the new technology toys, a new house in a really nice neighborhood, a nice car, a vacation every year, etc. I really could go on and on. But instead of thinking of it that way, we think of the wonderful people that can come into our lives. I'd much rather have a child enter our family than any of the aforementioned things. A child that will bless our lives and the lives of countless other people. A child that may one day invent a cure for cancer or be the parent of the person who does. There is so much promise in a child...in a person. But those things....they are just THINGS. They may be fun for a time but they won't last. But oh, what a difference a person can make!
So how do we do it? Well the first thing was we trust God. But usually when people ask they want a different kind of answer. So I'll attempt to give the kind of answer they are talking about. I have a husband who works very hard. But even so, we have not been very smart with the money we have earned over the years. As if we didn't already know that, Dave Ramsey made sure we knew it in the first class of Financial Peace ( a study we did at our church). He tells you how you could be a millionaire if you'd started saving money when you were fresh out of school. Did we do that? No! We made a series of bad financial decisions. But we are trying to do better now. We are trying to be better stewards with what God has blessed us with.
We do not buy a new car/van every few years. We pretty much buy one and run it until it won't run anymore! We do not take vacations every year. In fact, when Rick can get away from work, a vacation usually involves visiting family members that live out of state. We are lucky when we can get in a trip to the beach every couple of years. No, we won't be going on a cruise or going overseas. But you won't hear any complaints here. Right now my dream vacation would be going to somewhere like Disney World with all the kids. Still that is not practical for us, so I'll settle for Busch Gardens. I don't want to get away from the kids and go off somewhere exotic....I want to make memories WITH the children.
I know a few people think our children are a bit deprived because they haven't had certain experiences. Which I think is pretty laughable! Our children are sooo blessed! They have a lot of siblings who love them (and parents that have managed to stay married to each other for 20+ years), but they also have many conveniences that are pure luxury. Yes, they have ipods, cell phones, and computers. I feel kind of guilty even saying that. We probably should have less of those things and have money put away for retirement and college...but then that goes back to financial mistakes. Now this is the part that will have some gasping aloud...our children will NOT be getting a car for their 16th birthday. Their parents have not saved a nice little nestegg for their college education, and we will not be going into debt to pay for their college. They will have to work towards some of that for themselves. We will help when we can, but it will not be handed to them. We don't feel that is a "right" that we owe them. Would we like to provide those things? Sure! Would we if we had the money? Probably, though I'd like to say they'd need to still work for part of them. But I know me, and I'd love to hand over keys to my kids to a brand, spanking new vehicle. That is not going to happen though. So those are some things we don't do.
Things we do--We do shop at yardsales. We do accept hand-me-downs from other families. In fact, my girls love getting boxes of clothes from certain people! You trendy people know who you are! Please know what a blessing you have been to our family. We do look for deals where we can. For us it is a deal to pay $275 for a pool membership every summer. That is our entertainment for the whole summer for a family of 11. We don't often go to the movies, play putt-putt, or any of those things that could easily cost us $100 an outing. We look for family rates. Several years we bought a family membership to the zoo and the Science museum because that was cheaper than all of us going once! We would get to go for a whole year cheaper than those tickets for one day! We also buy things gender neutral when we can, so that it can be passed down to siblings. We mark things with initials instead of names for the same reason. (All our kids have the same initials). When ordering out at fast food places, we usually just get it to go so we can avoid buying drinks (saves a bunch of money!). We do not eat out at fancy restaurants as a whole family. Instead we may take children out for special occasions individually. Rick and I do get to eat out ever so often because we get giftcards for birthdays and Christmas. This is one of our favorite gifts because it is a good excuse for a date night!
We do not buy a lot of big things. Seriously, I think almost all of the big things like furniture have been given to us. Just a few years ago we bought a couch and that was a big deal because it was the only piece of furniture we'd picked out together and actually bought. I was very excited! Now we'd bought things used before that and had many things handed down from family members and friends. That same year we bought a new washer and dryer--my favorite appliances in the whole house now! Because we rarely get to make these kinds of purchases, we don't take them lightly! Rick and I shopped for over 6 months for the washer and dryer. Every date night, we'd go to the store and look at them. We decided which ones we wanted and we kept checking back, waiting for a good deal! And when it came time for Rick to buy a truck, no kidding he took at least 6 months looking. The car salesmen got so tired of seeing him and stopped believing that he was ever going to buy something. I guess not having frivilous money and also making some bad decisions in the past make us very cautious in making big purchases.
As for smaller types of things....weekly expenses like groceries can really mount up for our family. I have gotten lax about this lately too. I haven't been using coupons, which I should, and I've reverted back to some old bad habits. Typically I buy store brand products, but there are a few things that I really like the name brands and will buy them when I can. A few of those things....I do not like to skimp on toilet paper! Haha! I like my non-store brand orange juice and chips. I try not to buy the little individually priced snacks. They kids would love for me to...after all they are so cute! But they are such a waste! You are paying for packaging! Ugh! So we rarely do that, though I do cave in and buy them every now and then during the summer. We might take them to the pool as a special treat or to a ballgame. We try to stay away from concession stands except maybe once or twice during the summer, and usually then they spend their own money at them. When it is our turn to do snacks for the sports teams, I almost always bake cookies instead of buying them.
None of these things are biggies though. We are probably a lot like some of the smaller families out there. We just have to stretch things a bit farther. I belong to a MOMYS group online (Mother Of Many Young Siblings) and the ladies on there are an inspiration! Many larger families than ours survive on a lot less money. They amaze me with how much less their grocery bill is than ours! And for those of you who are curious (and I know you are because I'm curious what other people pay), our current grocery bill is around $200 a week. I KNOW I could do better. Should do better. It is also about to go up I believe. I now have a teenage son who is starting to be the typical teenage boy. He is hungry all the time! Guess we need to look into finding a piece of land where we can garden!
Feel free to ask me questions. I know I've missed several things I'll wish I had covered after I hit the publish button. But I really need to get to bed. The kids are all asleep and I think the hot water heater has had time to replenish for my shower. So I'm gonna sneak off to enjoy a long, hopefully uninterrupted shower at 1:00 a.m. in the morning! Good night!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
"How Do You Do It?" part 1
As the mother of many, I can't tell you how many times I've gotten that question! Often I don't know how to respond...and does anyone really expect me to? The real answer is, of course, by the grace of God! But I think people are really curious about big families and how things get done. When it is a genuine question, I don't mind answering at all. I would be curious, too! And I was! Yes, I once even asked a woman with many children (in the mall in Greenville, SC) if they were all hers. LOL Then, I even said something like "Wow! You have your hands full!" I NEVER meant it in a negative way, but with respect. Little did I know then, that she probably heard that every time she went out with her children and it didn't always sound positive. Now, I know.
Anyway....I thought I might use my blog to address some of the questions people have about how large families do things. I don't claim to be an expert....just someone who is living it. I will say upfront right now that many will have problems with the way I do things. That's okay, I probably have problems with the way they do things too. One of the keys to running a large household is to delegate. My older children have to help around the house. I rely on my two older girls a lot. They really do lighten my load on a daily basis. I do not want to overwhelm them with chores, but at the same time they are in training to be moms and wives one day. My sons are in training to be dads and husbands. Hopefuly when they become those one day, they will be prepared and know the responsibilities that go along with the positions. I am definitely not raising pampered, spoiled individuals who expect the world to cater to their needs. At least I hope not! I want my children to be responsible, God-fearing, God-loving, kind people with a good work ethic. Some days I fail in that instruction, and other days they blow me away with the people they are becoming, despite my mistakes and failings as a parent and an example.
The first thing I was going to talk about was cloth diapering. Mainly because I'm having a cloth diaper party soon and that is on my mind! Many people have expressed amazement at me having time to cloth diaper, so I thought I would devote a few minutes to tell you how easy it is! I first became interested in cloth diapering when I was pregnant with Riley, 8 years ago. I bought some Kissaluvs diapers and some FuzziBunz. When Riley was born I jumped right in. I was only planning to use the cloth diapers part time, mostly while we were at home during the day. Things went well for a while, but then I started noticing a strong smell when Riley would wet the diaper. Ammonia! I also didn't have a great washing machine at the time, nor had I researched a lot about diapers. I gave up pretty quickly. Then when Reece was born I again used them off and on for a couple of months. Same issues. When I had Ridge, I had a postpartum hemorrhage and felt awful for quite a while. I didn't want to add extra laundry plus I had some friends give us almost 3 months worth of diapers they could not use because their daughter was allergic to them. This time around, I did a lot of research online. I learned that the reason for the smells I was having was partly due to hard water and partly due to the wrong detergent. So this time I changed how I washed diapers and haven't had the same problems. Of course, it helps that we have a new washing machine that was actually made during this century!
I invested in a few different kinds of diapers. I kept the Fuzzi Bunz that I'd used before and added to that. I bought some Bum Genius 3.0 AIO's and have loved them! It is just like changing a disposable diaper! They come in really pretty colors too, as do the Fuzzi Bunz. I've also added a couple of Happy Heinys (not my favorite though because they tend to leak occasionally), BlueBerrys, and Ragababes. There are so many choices today and I have to admit that I'm addicted. My kids will tell you that I'm often online looking up different kinds of diapers and looking for sales. I've purchased some that are very expensive diapers but I've gotten them on clearance or as seconds. Still excellent quality! I'll list my recommendations at the end!
My wash routine is very different from what I did before. I now have an LG frontloading washing machine. I wash diapers on a Sanitary cycle with a prewash, extra rinse, and water plus (where it adds extra water). It takes a long time for them to wash, but that is just how it is with these new water efficient machines. I've been amazed at how clean the diapers come out. I only have one or two that have stains and they are very, very, light ones. Since I am exlusively breastfeeding, so far there is no dunking diapers in the toilet. I just throw them in the washing machine. For later I do have a diaper sprayer that is attached to the back of the toilet. It is like a shower head. When Reagan is on solids, I will just spray off her diapers in the toilet and then wash. Much easier than in the old days! I was spraying them off at the beginning but realized that I didn't need to. I was washing diapers every other day. Lately, I've been trying to stretch it out one extra day when I can. But I really don't mind doing the extra couple of loads of laundry. I feel like this is so much better for Reagan than the chemical-filled disposables. And I will admit, they are A LOT cuter! I enjoy cloth diapering. Oh, I use Lulu's detergent for hard water. I have some Rockin Green that I'm going to try next.
So, it really isn't that much more work. My washer does most of it. I do look forward to warmer weather when I can hang the diapers outside to dry. That might add a little more work, but, hey, I need the sun and fresh air! The rest of the family endulges my new love for cloth! I do almost all of the diaper changes at this point. Rebecca, Rachel, and Rick have all changed a few diapers though, and I haven't heard any complaints. I will soon be away from Reagan as I have two doula births coming up in the spring. We'll see how they do when I'm not at home.
My recommendations for cloth diapers: For newborns I REALLY liked the Bum Genius AIO xsmall. They have discontinued the bigger sizes but will still be making the xsmalls. They say they fit up to 12 lbs., but my daughter could only wear them until she was almost 11 lbs. Still I liked how well they fit and were perfect when she was born at 8 lbs. 1 oz. She wore them for almost 3 months. I also like Fuzzi Bunz xsmall for newborns. Next, I am currently using size small in Fuzzi Bunz and Bum Genius. Reagan is just now getting into the one-size diapers where you can adjust them down for a small baby or make them bigger for an older baby. I still prefer the different sizes but I think as she grows I'll like the One Sizes better. I've recently bought some Ragababes and I really like these too. They are gorgeous and very absorbant! Only problem is that they are expensive. I used Christmas money for Reagan to buy hers, but no way could I afford a whole stash of them. Still, I love the ones she has. I am holding onto my diapers for a while....you never know if God will bless you with another little one. But, when I KNOW I'm done, I can sell my diapers. Yes, people will buy used diapers! So I will be able to regain some of the money spent.
Blessings!
Cindy
This may be a long series. I plan to cover homeschooling, chores, finances, and health. What are your questions for a mom of many???
Anyway....I thought I might use my blog to address some of the questions people have about how large families do things. I don't claim to be an expert....just someone who is living it. I will say upfront right now that many will have problems with the way I do things. That's okay, I probably have problems with the way they do things too. One of the keys to running a large household is to delegate. My older children have to help around the house. I rely on my two older girls a lot. They really do lighten my load on a daily basis. I do not want to overwhelm them with chores, but at the same time they are in training to be moms and wives one day. My sons are in training to be dads and husbands. Hopefuly when they become those one day, they will be prepared and know the responsibilities that go along with the positions. I am definitely not raising pampered, spoiled individuals who expect the world to cater to their needs. At least I hope not! I want my children to be responsible, God-fearing, God-loving, kind people with a good work ethic. Some days I fail in that instruction, and other days they blow me away with the people they are becoming, despite my mistakes and failings as a parent and an example.
The first thing I was going to talk about was cloth diapering. Mainly because I'm having a cloth diaper party soon and that is on my mind! Many people have expressed amazement at me having time to cloth diaper, so I thought I would devote a few minutes to tell you how easy it is! I first became interested in cloth diapering when I was pregnant with Riley, 8 years ago. I bought some Kissaluvs diapers and some FuzziBunz. When Riley was born I jumped right in. I was only planning to use the cloth diapers part time, mostly while we were at home during the day. Things went well for a while, but then I started noticing a strong smell when Riley would wet the diaper. Ammonia! I also didn't have a great washing machine at the time, nor had I researched a lot about diapers. I gave up pretty quickly. Then when Reece was born I again used them off and on for a couple of months. Same issues. When I had Ridge, I had a postpartum hemorrhage and felt awful for quite a while. I didn't want to add extra laundry plus I had some friends give us almost 3 months worth of diapers they could not use because their daughter was allergic to them. This time around, I did a lot of research online. I learned that the reason for the smells I was having was partly due to hard water and partly due to the wrong detergent. So this time I changed how I washed diapers and haven't had the same problems. Of course, it helps that we have a new washing machine that was actually made during this century!
I invested in a few different kinds of diapers. I kept the Fuzzi Bunz that I'd used before and added to that. I bought some Bum Genius 3.0 AIO's and have loved them! It is just like changing a disposable diaper! They come in really pretty colors too, as do the Fuzzi Bunz. I've also added a couple of Happy Heinys (not my favorite though because they tend to leak occasionally), BlueBerrys, and Ragababes. There are so many choices today and I have to admit that I'm addicted. My kids will tell you that I'm often online looking up different kinds of diapers and looking for sales. I've purchased some that are very expensive diapers but I've gotten them on clearance or as seconds. Still excellent quality! I'll list my recommendations at the end!
My wash routine is very different from what I did before. I now have an LG frontloading washing machine. I wash diapers on a Sanitary cycle with a prewash, extra rinse, and water plus (where it adds extra water). It takes a long time for them to wash, but that is just how it is with these new water efficient machines. I've been amazed at how clean the diapers come out. I only have one or two that have stains and they are very, very, light ones. Since I am exlusively breastfeeding, so far there is no dunking diapers in the toilet. I just throw them in the washing machine. For later I do have a diaper sprayer that is attached to the back of the toilet. It is like a shower head. When Reagan is on solids, I will just spray off her diapers in the toilet and then wash. Much easier than in the old days! I was spraying them off at the beginning but realized that I didn't need to. I was washing diapers every other day. Lately, I've been trying to stretch it out one extra day when I can. But I really don't mind doing the extra couple of loads of laundry. I feel like this is so much better for Reagan than the chemical-filled disposables. And I will admit, they are A LOT cuter! I enjoy cloth diapering. Oh, I use Lulu's detergent for hard water. I have some Rockin Green that I'm going to try next.
So, it really isn't that much more work. My washer does most of it. I do look forward to warmer weather when I can hang the diapers outside to dry. That might add a little more work, but, hey, I need the sun and fresh air! The rest of the family endulges my new love for cloth! I do almost all of the diaper changes at this point. Rebecca, Rachel, and Rick have all changed a few diapers though, and I haven't heard any complaints. I will soon be away from Reagan as I have two doula births coming up in the spring. We'll see how they do when I'm not at home.
My recommendations for cloth diapers: For newborns I REALLY liked the Bum Genius AIO xsmall. They have discontinued the bigger sizes but will still be making the xsmalls. They say they fit up to 12 lbs., but my daughter could only wear them until she was almost 11 lbs. Still I liked how well they fit and were perfect when she was born at 8 lbs. 1 oz. She wore them for almost 3 months. I also like Fuzzi Bunz xsmall for newborns. Next, I am currently using size small in Fuzzi Bunz and Bum Genius. Reagan is just now getting into the one-size diapers where you can adjust them down for a small baby or make them bigger for an older baby. I still prefer the different sizes but I think as she grows I'll like the One Sizes better. I've recently bought some Ragababes and I really like these too. They are gorgeous and very absorbant! Only problem is that they are expensive. I used Christmas money for Reagan to buy hers, but no way could I afford a whole stash of them. Still, I love the ones she has. I am holding onto my diapers for a while....you never know if God will bless you with another little one. But, when I KNOW I'm done, I can sell my diapers. Yes, people will buy used diapers! So I will be able to regain some of the money spent.
Blessings!
Cindy
This may be a long series. I plan to cover homeschooling, chores, finances, and health. What are your questions for a mom of many???
Monday, January 31, 2011
Picture Day!
Today was Picture Day! Yes, it was met with many groans! Then there was the scramble to find matching outfits (no, you don't have to do it that way--but I like how it pulls the picture together). Then out the door at 9:20 a.m. We got to the mall a little early so the kids got to play in the little play area. <shudder> Sorry! All I could think about was all the germs on those things and how the stomach flu is running rampant in our area right now. But what can you do? Thank heavens for hand sanitizer!
The photographer was nice and pretty patient. Unfortunately, it took a long time to take the pictures and then for me to decide. So there were other people waiting and some didn't handle that so well. One lady got pretty hot! I felt so bad. I understand the not wanting to wait. I hate waiting, especially when I have a baby that is going to need to eat. But this lady did not handle it well at all. On a happier note, while I did spend more money than I'd like to have, it really wasn't any more than what I spent on Olan Mills portraits years and years ago! And this time I got a CD with permission to make as many copies as I'd like! And Rick didn't even give me that "Oh, no you didn't" look. So...it was a pretty good day today! The mall was even somewhat deserted and we did not get any weird looks--at least none that I was aware of.
Now I am sitting here and I keep looking at the pictures! Sitting here in a COLD house! Had to turn the thermostat down after that last huge power bill. Anyone else suffering from shock after their power bill?
The photographer was nice and pretty patient. Unfortunately, it took a long time to take the pictures and then for me to decide. So there were other people waiting and some didn't handle that so well. One lady got pretty hot! I felt so bad. I understand the not wanting to wait. I hate waiting, especially when I have a baby that is going to need to eat. But this lady did not handle it well at all. On a happier note, while I did spend more money than I'd like to have, it really wasn't any more than what I spent on Olan Mills portraits years and years ago! And this time I got a CD with permission to make as many copies as I'd like! And Rick didn't even give me that "Oh, no you didn't" look. So...it was a pretty good day today! The mall was even somewhat deserted and we did not get any weird looks--at least none that I was aware of.
Now I am sitting here and I keep looking at the pictures! Sitting here in a COLD house! Had to turn the thermostat down after that last huge power bill. Anyone else suffering from shock after their power bill?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Our Family Verse
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord,
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their
enemies in the gate.
Psalms 127:3-5
This is where we get the term quiverfull. Those of you who have seen our license plate may have already asked us about what that means. (And no our plate does NOT say Overful!) It means that we consider our children a blessing from God and we will not be turning down any that He wants to send our way. Did we always feel that way? No, we didn't. Well, we always felt our children were blessings, but there was a time when we considered it our decision as to when and if we would have anymore.
Sometime after the birth of our fourth child, I felt like God was telling me that I needed to be open to having more children. Originally we thought we would just have four children. Rick was the oldest of four, I was the youngest of four.......that seemed like a good number. I'd always been fascinated by large families and when I was little I had planned on having a lot of children. But then most little girls do! Everyone in my family can tell you the story about how when I was about 3 or 4, they would hear me on Saturday morning bright and early, rocking in my little red rocking chair and chanting "I wish I was a mama!" Boy, did God grant that wish! And then some!
Okay, so God had my attention! More children? Sure, I'd love to do that. But Rick....well let's just say he had some reservations. I talked to him about it, but he was definitely not sold on the idea. He had the typical worries that I would dare say most men have....How can I provide for a large family? Raising children can be expensive. And well, we weren't exactly the most patient parents. Turning over your family size to God? Letting Him bless you with as many children as He saw fit? But that could mean a child every year! Surely that isn't what He wants us to do. He wants us to be responsible with our fertility. Right? Wasn't it being irresponsible to keep having children? That is certainly what the world would have us to believe. So, anyway, Rick was not sold on the idea at first. I was determined not to nag him about it. I just prayed and told God that if that is what He wanted for us, then it was going to be up to him to change Rick's mind. I continued to read about other quiverful families and I continued to pray about it. Occasionally it would still come up in conversations. Then something happened. I noticed Rick now was defending the quiverful mindset! God HAD changed his mind. So....we threw out the birth control. I won't say it wasn't scary at times. I was still a bit apprehensive about the thought of having a baby every year. I'm one of those women who does not stop having periods while nursing a baby. Doctors had told me before that I could very well be one of those women who gets pregnant even though I nurse on demand for the first year. But if God truly was telling us to do this, then it would be okay. "We" had planned our first four children and liked that they were all about 2 years apart.
Things didn't go exactly as I'd planned (notice that I still had a plan here). We were perfectly content to accept another baby if God sent us one, but I wasn't prepared for what happened instead. I did get pregnant (right on schedule) but when I went into the doctor around 9 weeks, he did not see/hear a heartbeat. He wasn't that concerned. He just said come back in 2 weeks and we'll do another ultrasound. I didn't make it in for that next appt. because I started miscarrying before that. That was one of the hardest times in my life. I'd always been worried about losing a baby. You could say it was a fear of mine. But more than that....what did this mean? We had just turned our fertility over to God. We'd said we would accept any children he wanted to give us. I would have been okay if we had not had any more. I mean I wanted more now, but if we didn't have any more then I'd KNOW that was God's plan. But this? What was this? Getting pregnant only to lose the baby? Of course, I had one person tell me that maybe this was God's way of saying to stop having children. I KNEW that wasn't it though. I will admit that I was angry. I went through the whole grieving process, but boy I dwelled on that anger for quite a while. It wasn't long before I got pregnant again and we had our 5th child. After him, we had another early miscarriage. Again, I was down in a pit. God was there for me though. I did not go through the anger this time, but I did not like the pattern that I thought I was seeing form. Miscarriages took a lot out of me physically, but nothing compared to what they did to me emotionally. I did not want to experience that pain over and over again. But we still heard God saying to trust him. And we did (and do)! Those of you who know us well, know that we have gone on to have 4 more children. We do not second guess our decision to turn our fertility over to God. It was something that we heard very clearly from Him. I have found that sometimes others want to argue with us about that decision and say that God would not want us to do that--that we heard wrong and we are twisting scriptures. We do not preach the quiverful lifestyle to others. It isn't our place. Just as I could not have changed my own husband's mind, it is not my place to change yours. But I do ask you to listen if you are feeling led in this direction. Really listen to what He is saying to you. No, he isn't going to require it of you. You are given a choice. But if He is saying that he wants to bless you with more children, do you really want to say "No, thank you?"
And as for those worries about being able to provide for a large family....well ask us some time! We'll tell you how richly God has blessed our lives! No, we are not rich in the material ways of this world, but then again, we aren't lacking either. There have been hard times and scary times, but those were also the times when God showed us who He is! When times were leaner, with the birth of every child there came a new contract for Rick's business. Most of the time, these contracts fell in his lap! What I mean by that was that it was not through Rick's own doing that he got the jobs. They would come from calls out of the blue. No, they were not coincidences. The timing was just too perfect. That was God's way of reminding Rick that he was not the one providing for his family. God was providing for HIS family and He will continue to do so.
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their
enemies in the gate.
Psalms 127:3-5
This is where we get the term quiverfull. Those of you who have seen our license plate may have already asked us about what that means. (And no our plate does NOT say Overful!) It means that we consider our children a blessing from God and we will not be turning down any that He wants to send our way. Did we always feel that way? No, we didn't. Well, we always felt our children were blessings, but there was a time when we considered it our decision as to when and if we would have anymore.
Sometime after the birth of our fourth child, I felt like God was telling me that I needed to be open to having more children. Originally we thought we would just have four children. Rick was the oldest of four, I was the youngest of four.......that seemed like a good number. I'd always been fascinated by large families and when I was little I had planned on having a lot of children. But then most little girls do! Everyone in my family can tell you the story about how when I was about 3 or 4, they would hear me on Saturday morning bright and early, rocking in my little red rocking chair and chanting "I wish I was a mama!" Boy, did God grant that wish! And then some!
Okay, so God had my attention! More children? Sure, I'd love to do that. But Rick....well let's just say he had some reservations. I talked to him about it, but he was definitely not sold on the idea. He had the typical worries that I would dare say most men have....How can I provide for a large family? Raising children can be expensive. And well, we weren't exactly the most patient parents. Turning over your family size to God? Letting Him bless you with as many children as He saw fit? But that could mean a child every year! Surely that isn't what He wants us to do. He wants us to be responsible with our fertility. Right? Wasn't it being irresponsible to keep having children? That is certainly what the world would have us to believe. So, anyway, Rick was not sold on the idea at first. I was determined not to nag him about it. I just prayed and told God that if that is what He wanted for us, then it was going to be up to him to change Rick's mind. I continued to read about other quiverful families and I continued to pray about it. Occasionally it would still come up in conversations. Then something happened. I noticed Rick now was defending the quiverful mindset! God HAD changed his mind. So....we threw out the birth control. I won't say it wasn't scary at times. I was still a bit apprehensive about the thought of having a baby every year. I'm one of those women who does not stop having periods while nursing a baby. Doctors had told me before that I could very well be one of those women who gets pregnant even though I nurse on demand for the first year. But if God truly was telling us to do this, then it would be okay. "We" had planned our first four children and liked that they were all about 2 years apart.
Things didn't go exactly as I'd planned (notice that I still had a plan here). We were perfectly content to accept another baby if God sent us one, but I wasn't prepared for what happened instead. I did get pregnant (right on schedule) but when I went into the doctor around 9 weeks, he did not see/hear a heartbeat. He wasn't that concerned. He just said come back in 2 weeks and we'll do another ultrasound. I didn't make it in for that next appt. because I started miscarrying before that. That was one of the hardest times in my life. I'd always been worried about losing a baby. You could say it was a fear of mine. But more than that....what did this mean? We had just turned our fertility over to God. We'd said we would accept any children he wanted to give us. I would have been okay if we had not had any more. I mean I wanted more now, but if we didn't have any more then I'd KNOW that was God's plan. But this? What was this? Getting pregnant only to lose the baby? Of course, I had one person tell me that maybe this was God's way of saying to stop having children. I KNEW that wasn't it though. I will admit that I was angry. I went through the whole grieving process, but boy I dwelled on that anger for quite a while. It wasn't long before I got pregnant again and we had our 5th child. After him, we had another early miscarriage. Again, I was down in a pit. God was there for me though. I did not go through the anger this time, but I did not like the pattern that I thought I was seeing form. Miscarriages took a lot out of me physically, but nothing compared to what they did to me emotionally. I did not want to experience that pain over and over again. But we still heard God saying to trust him. And we did (and do)! Those of you who know us well, know that we have gone on to have 4 more children. We do not second guess our decision to turn our fertility over to God. It was something that we heard very clearly from Him. I have found that sometimes others want to argue with us about that decision and say that God would not want us to do that--that we heard wrong and we are twisting scriptures. We do not preach the quiverful lifestyle to others. It isn't our place. Just as I could not have changed my own husband's mind, it is not my place to change yours. But I do ask you to listen if you are feeling led in this direction. Really listen to what He is saying to you. No, he isn't going to require it of you. You are given a choice. But if He is saying that he wants to bless you with more children, do you really want to say "No, thank you?"
And as for those worries about being able to provide for a large family....well ask us some time! We'll tell you how richly God has blessed our lives! No, we are not rich in the material ways of this world, but then again, we aren't lacking either. There have been hard times and scary times, but those were also the times when God showed us who He is! When times were leaner, with the birth of every child there came a new contract for Rick's business. Most of the time, these contracts fell in his lap! What I mean by that was that it was not through Rick's own doing that he got the jobs. They would come from calls out of the blue. No, they were not coincidences. The timing was just too perfect. That was God's way of reminding Rick that he was not the one providing for his family. God was providing for HIS family and He will continue to do so.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Welcome to my first attempt at blogging!
My daughter, Rachel, designed and got this blog started for me. I am hoping I have time to post some things. This may be one more thing that I do when I should be doing other things though! Like playing around on Facebook when I should be gathering information for my taxes. Ugh! Which sounds more appealing to you?
Well, this was definitely not a typical weekend! But then again, is there even such a thing as typical anymore? Rick was doing extra work for the business and the three oldest girls spent most of the weekend with their grandparents. Richard actually went to work with his dad. So I was here at home with the five youngest children. I had visions of doing some house cleaning and maybe even taking my Willow Tree Nativity set off the mantle and packing it away. Reagan had other ideas though. She just wanted me to sit and nurse her all morning. Can I count actually getting a shower and washing my hair as an accomplishment? Well, I will because many times that doesn't happen. So I got my shower and straightened up a tiny bit. When Rick got home, Reagan and I went out to do some birthday shopping for Rachel and Ruth.
While nursing Reagan for most of the morning, I got to just sit back and watch the boys interact. I mean really watch them. So much of our time lately is me correctly them, rather impatiently, I might add. But today there was no pressure to do anything (except nurse) and the house was a bit calmer, so I spent more time observing them and just listening. Well, if you have ever been around a 3 year old, 5 year old, and 7 year old, you know that you can't just listen. You have to answer lots of questions. Today I was able to answer them while they had my full attention, with no other distractions. I was struck by how funny they are. You sometimes forget that when you get caught up in trying to do school, laundry, meals, and emails! When listening to them, I find myself chuckling at their vocabulary (where did they get that?) and their mannerisms. It was a rough week with lots of sibling rivalry (translated--screaming) in our house. I am very glad that the week ended with me being able to step back and see some of the good things. I DO like being a mommy to all nine of these very different children!
Well, this was definitely not a typical weekend! But then again, is there even such a thing as typical anymore? Rick was doing extra work for the business and the three oldest girls spent most of the weekend with their grandparents. Richard actually went to work with his dad. So I was here at home with the five youngest children. I had visions of doing some house cleaning and maybe even taking my Willow Tree Nativity set off the mantle and packing it away. Reagan had other ideas though. She just wanted me to sit and nurse her all morning. Can I count actually getting a shower and washing my hair as an accomplishment? Well, I will because many times that doesn't happen. So I got my shower and straightened up a tiny bit. When Rick got home, Reagan and I went out to do some birthday shopping for Rachel and Ruth.
While nursing Reagan for most of the morning, I got to just sit back and watch the boys interact. I mean really watch them. So much of our time lately is me correctly them, rather impatiently, I might add. But today there was no pressure to do anything (except nurse) and the house was a bit calmer, so I spent more time observing them and just listening. Well, if you have ever been around a 3 year old, 5 year old, and 7 year old, you know that you can't just listen. You have to answer lots of questions. Today I was able to answer them while they had my full attention, with no other distractions. I was struck by how funny they are. You sometimes forget that when you get caught up in trying to do school, laundry, meals, and emails! When listening to them, I find myself chuckling at their vocabulary (where did they get that?) and their mannerisms. It was a rough week with lots of sibling rivalry (translated--screaming) in our house. I am very glad that the week ended with me being able to step back and see some of the good things. I DO like being a mommy to all nine of these very different children!
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